2025-05-12_positive outlook

“positive outlook”. i have a bit of an aversion to this term. why? individualism. i have a plethora of problems with individualism, and the term / the expectation / the advice to have a “positive outlook” taps into individualist logics quite a bit. at least in a majority of the cases that i’ve heard it used. but why is it the responsibility of the individual to have a “positive outlook”? and why do we even assume that the “individual” exists? many reasons. a lot of them have to do with capitalism at this juncture.
but having said all that. i do feel like i need to carefully move towards embodying a “positive outlook” more than i have the last months. hope is maybe a better term. i don’t have much of that at this time. i have the feeling of urgency, but not of hope. especially for the “world at large”. and due to not really believing in the myth of individualism, i find it difficult to draw the lines between “myself” and “my life”, and the “world at large”. but “my life” is going well, all things considered. my basic needs are cared for (for now), and i’m able to dedicate my time to topics and relationships i care about. i’m contributing (to extents) to resisting the currents of reality that are trying to re-subjugate and re-eradicate people like me, my community and all oppressed peoples. i’m contributing (to extents) to caring for and co-creating new realities in my communities. at the end of the day, i’m not doing enough for these causes. i know this. but i also know that i’ll never even get close to actually experiencing the end of the day if i keep reminding myself of that and reprimanding myself in turn.
the days blur into each other. which is a problem. it makes it easier for me to tell myself i’m not doing anything helpful. makes it easier for me to self-sabotage. makes it easier for me to ignore how much i am doing, even though it’s not enough. and just for one second, the question: how could i define what is “enough”? from where do i get the idea that deciding that is within my power? individualism. and we come full circle.